Remember a few weeks ago, when William began preschool and I wanted just a few tears? Well today, after three weeks I got them. And I broke my heart into a million pieces.
We did the normal routine, took his sisters for flag salute, prayer, walked Victoria to class, saw the turtles, walked William to class. And he was fine! We walked in and he wanted to run to the playground, I reminded him we had to sign in, no biggie.
Well just as I'm about to leave all hell breaks loose. He wants me to hold him, doesn't want me to stand up, wants me to kneel down and hug him. He was crying and saying "don't leave me, don't leave me!"
But I had to right! I mean I couldn't just bring him home! I did not want him to think every time he didn't want to stay at school he could throw a fit and come home.
So I leave, I give him one last kiss, big hug and tell him I love him very much. Well I get out the door and MY tears start falling! I wasn't expecting that. And no it isn't because I'm some tough mom who doesn't feel anything for her children, its just that this isn't the first time he has cried when I have left. In fact Friday we had a sitter and the same scene happened!
But I cried all the way to the car, then I waved to him one more time. I was heartbreaking.
I'm trying to figure out why the breakdown this morning. He got in trouble yesterday. He flooded the upstairs bathroom by flushing a roll of toilet paper down. Causing a huge mess, and having the ceiling almost cave in on the first floor. He was sent to his room for about 30 minutes.
This morning he got in a tiny amount of trouble. If you can call it that. Julia spilled water all over Williams clothes, and I told him to change his shirt, keep on the shorts. Well he comes down in different pants, and same shirt. So I took him back up the stairs, changed him quick, and heard him tell his sisters "mommy is so mad at me now."
So its possible that I'm the cause of the breakdown at school, which is making me feel even worse, which just goes to show that I deserved every little break in my heart this morning, and the ripple effect it caused with William is my fault, and I will probably pay for a long time.
Great. Bring on the Mother Of The Year award.
I'm going to go cry now.