Brian and I will be married for 10 years on the 1st of August 2008. Wow. Its a little crazy to think that I'm 26 (soon to be 27) and yet married longer than my parents. (Who are obviously divorced, and moved on to second marriages.)
Brian and I have a very interesting relationship. We are truly friends and yet we love each other so much. The two of us were at a meeting on Thursday and one woman said to me, "Even though you have been married for 9 years, I can't tell. Its like your still in the honeymoon stage." And I took that as a huge compliment.
See when I was growing up, and even into my teen years, I didn't have a lot of adult relationships around me that made me desire marriage. Wait let me ref raise that. I desired marriage and a family, I just didn't know any ones marriage who I would like to mirror. No great role-model marriages I guess.
But our marriage.......Is something that was extremely rough in the beginning and yet I couldn't imagine in any different now.
Being married at 17 comes with a lot of problems. See you aren't really mature enough to understand all that goes into a marriage. Granted, I was a pretty mature 17 year old, but I still had no clue. And it wasn't just the duties of being a wife, like housework, dinners, that kind of thing, I thought once I got married all the insecurities, and jealousy would magically disappear.
Boy was I dumb.
I think I became more jealous, and more insecure. Now why I became more insecure is a complete mystery to me. Brian always praised me, never put me down, and it isn't like my looks got flushed down the toilet. But I think I lost myself in marriage, (and the fact that I was pregnant/young mom didn't help.) And the jealousy? Only made worse because instead of losing a boyfriend if something went wrong, I would lose a husband and the daddy of my child.
Well obviously a lot of time spent freaking out, and worrying about being one of those old married couples who don't show affection, even in their home let alone in public freaked me out enough to get myself calmed down and enjoy myself.
So today, we are a happy couple. Who can joke, tease, annoy each other as if they were the best of friends, or dare I say siblings. Yet we also have our inside jokes, our finishing each others thoughts, or personal times.
Are there times when jealousy and insecurities come into my life? Sure! And there are times when I still feel lost in marriage, and motherhood. Where its like I am not my own person, but that is another blog entirely.
But for today. For my marriage. I am truly happy.