Wednesday, September 21, 2005

Memories

On Good Friday, April 13 2001 I had a miscarriage. The baby was supposed to be born on October 4 2001. I was supposed to be 12 weeks pregnant with my second child when I had some very mild spotting.

So I called my doc and went in assuming it was nothing. My MIL wanted to go with me, which was fine but told yahoo to keep working. I am crying as I write this, which is crazy, it was over 4 years ago. But I went into the apt and the doc couldn't find a heartbeat. SO we did an ultrasound still assuming everything was fine.

Well she was looking around and we saw the baby, but she excused herself and came back with another doctor. That is when they told me the baby had died. He (I just always assumed it was a him) had probably died about 2 weeks earlier. They took pics with the ultrasound machine and gave them to me. I still have them in a box and take them out every now and then.

I never did pass him, and had to have a D&C which only added to the pain.

I will never forget that feeling. I know it is nothing like losing a child who is already born. But the pain I felt and still fell was so strong. I talk about the baby often with yahoo like expressing he would be four in a couple weeks.

Not sure what possessed me to share this, other than the fact of his bday coming up. But if you got this far thanks for reading.

3 comments:

C2_Jewels said...

It's pretty interesting how you can put stuff behind you, travel through your life, and then one day out of no where, you are transported in your mind back to the very moment, place and time of the memory.
Thank you for sharing your story, I know how difficult it can be to let others into a spot of your life that is so difficult to think about.

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thatfarmgirl said...

I'm so sorry for you. I say keep on thinking and keep on writing and with time it will likely help you to heal.